Miss Piggy

I like to think of myself as green....not alien green, or kermit green, but I love the planet green. I've raised my kids to recycle since they were wee sprogs and try to make very earth friendly, energy saving choices.

I unfortunately have a conflicting condition; I'm a car addict. I loooove cars, especially big, loaded, fast, gas guzzling, American cars. Until a couple of years ago I thought that my two conditions could co-exist side by side, that my recycling would make up for my smog contribution. But I didn't take in to account just how smart my kids are, or how well they were listening to me preach emerald.

We were watching Top Gear (can't possibly live without BBC America!) and they were explaining carbon footprints and how different vehicles emitted different smog levels and had variable gas mileage. Being British, they of course slammed American cars for their flatulence, particularly big 4wheel drive type cars like the...Hummer!!!

At this time I was the proud owner of a stunning white H3 (couldn't find it in Miss Piggy pink). I loved this car more than any man, more than the cash it cost me to fill, more than chocolate, more than my dishwasher, but not more than the planet and certainly not more than my kids...who glared at me across the lounge, realizing that horror of horrors their mother was a hypocrite! Busted!!!

I sold it the next day. I cried. I now drive a tiny little red Nissan Versa, that I love...OK like, that loves the planet, but that will never replace my Hummer. Every time I get in my pump passing, petrol sipping, runs on fresh air, ridiculously uncool, ladybuggy I close my eyes and think of slipping behind the wheel of my H3 tank blinking back the tears ...stupid Jeremy Clarkson.

When I win the lottery I will have another Hummer, this time it'll be pink and to make up for the dreadful mess it makes of our O2 I will donate vast amounts of dosh to Greenpeace...only thing is I just worked out that my chances of winning the California Lottery are 1 in 13,983,816...so for now, I'll stay green.

The Luck of the Irish...

Happy Saint Patrick's Day! That's right we have a day in America where one actually celebrates being Irish! Who knew?

It's quite an event here in the US of A; there are parades of green laden people in almost every state on March 17th and Chicago even dyes its river green! There are lines outside every Irish pub in the country from about 11am and absolutely everyone wears green.

Kids have leprechaun catching projects in school and school systems who constitutionally cannot permit the study of religious holidays, embrace St. Patrick's day in the classroom to teach about this beloved race.

If you don't abide by tradition the rest of the Irish loving population gets to pinch you! People actually purchase shamrock covered T-shirts that they save to wear just on March 17th every year.

Yet another benefit; if you say you're Irish, on March 17th you'll get a snog from many a passing stranger...something to do with the blarney stone???

It's interesting to me how Americans hold on so tightly to their heritage. When I first moved here I'd ask people where they were from, expecting them to tell me where they were born in this enormous country. Rarely did I get the response I was expecting; instead I'd get a break down of their Scottish, Irish, British, Polish, or Italian genetic input.

So, I'd ask, were you very young when you moved to America? Only to be told they were born here. Why don't they just say that? How confusing! I don't want to know where your Grandad was from...I want to know where you're from!

Anyway, no one likes to be pinched right? so, in another desperate attempt to fit in and become an American, I've spent my day dressed head to toe in a fine shade of emerald, dropping shamrocks in conversation, and am off to the pub now for some green beer...may the wind at your back always be your own...wherever you think you're from!