Miss Piggy

I like to think of myself as green....not alien green, or kermit green, but I love the planet green. I've raised my kids to recycle since they were wee sprogs and try to make very earth friendly, energy saving choices.

I unfortunately have a conflicting condition; I'm a car addict. I loooove cars, especially big, loaded, fast, gas guzzling, American cars. Until a couple of years ago I thought that my two conditions could co-exist side by side, that my recycling would make up for my smog contribution. But I didn't take in to account just how smart my kids are, or how well they were listening to me preach emerald.

We were watching Top Gear (can't possibly live without BBC America!) and they were explaining carbon footprints and how different vehicles emitted different smog levels and had variable gas mileage. Being British, they of course slammed American cars for their flatulence, particularly big 4wheel drive type cars like the...Hummer!!!

At this time I was the proud owner of a stunning white H3 (couldn't find it in Miss Piggy pink). I loved this car more than any man, more than the cash it cost me to fill, more than chocolate, more than my dishwasher, but not more than the planet and certainly not more than my kids...who glared at me across the lounge, realizing that horror of horrors their mother was a hypocrite! Busted!!!

I sold it the next day. I cried. I now drive a tiny little red Nissan Versa, that I love...OK like, that loves the planet, but that will never replace my Hummer. Every time I get in my pump passing, petrol sipping, runs on fresh air, ridiculously uncool, ladybuggy I close my eyes and think of slipping behind the wheel of my H3 tank blinking back the tears ...stupid Jeremy Clarkson.

When I win the lottery I will have another Hummer, this time it'll be pink and to make up for the dreadful mess it makes of our O2 I will donate vast amounts of dosh to Greenpeace...only thing is I just worked out that my chances of winning the California Lottery are 1 in 13,983,816...so for now, I'll stay green.