Oh bum!

"Blimey my bum's got big!" I exclaimed mortified as I inspected the seat of my jeans and folded them tonight. What could have happened, what has caused my rear end to...well...spread!

It must be the LA traffic, or maybe it's the amount of time I'm spending on the computer writing that blasted blog, or it's sitting on my bum for eight hours driving back and forth to Vegas once a month, or maybe, just maybe it's the annoying fact that after you turn forty you actively lose control over certain areas of your body that you felt sure would never fail you!

I'm a pretty determined creature (I hear my parents sigh on both sides of the planet) and there's not much that I'll allow to get the better of me so I ran head long in to my forties with the defiant air of a four year old and the fearless attitude that nothing was going to change when the big four ooooh hit.

Hard as this may be to believe... I was wrong! First it was my eyesight; I've always been proud of my 20/20 vision but almost like clockwork about four days after my fortieth birthday I felt the change...a slight blurring when I adjusted my view from something near by to something far away. I, of course, ignored it until it became so bad I had to give in to the truth and was rewarded for my brave honesty with bi-focals...what the heck!!

Next were the spider veins...not going to tell you too much about those just in case it stops you from passing my info. on to old Prince C (Charming not Charles!)...suffice to say I wear skirts that hit the knee or below now.

The most annoying change though has been my memory loss. Sometimes I walk in to a room and don't know what I'm doing there and if you dare to pause in conversation for more than ten seconds I'll completely forget what we were talking about.

I am still putting up a bloody good fight against gravity though...the headstands give me a bit of a headache and duct tape really hurts when you strip it off your eyelids...but I'm winning!

And now, the dreaded bum enlargement...how can this be happening?

Growing up is tough, getting old inevitable, staying young at heart the great secret of life...and having a big bottom, well, it provides us with greater laurels to rest on...right?

Is it a bird?...Is it a plane???

Traffic is, so far, the only BAAAAD thing I've discovered about living in LA. There are really only four hours during the day when you have a chance at getting anywhere fast. If you miss the 10am-2pm window of opportunity, be warned, you'll forget all the great stuff about being a Californian and wish yourself somewhere else...anywhere else!

I hit traffic this evening when I went to drop my dogs off for a sleepover at a friends house. I spent most of the journey wishing for superpowers. I wish I could teleport...I wish I could fly...I wish I could fly and was strong enough to pick up the car and the dogs...and looked like a female version of superman! I'll be having similar delusions tomorrow when I'm driving the kids to Vegas on their monthly visit to their father (the crazy Hungarian I refer to sometimes).

Cali to Vegas is without a doubt the most monotonous, jaw slacking, bum numbing, drive, you will ever have to face.I'm pretty sure it's a deliberate ploy by the casinos to dull the minds of all arriving from the Golden State so that when they eventually see the lights of Sin City on the horizon they are suitably brain dead and believe they're really in with a chance of winning at the tables!

So my pups have gone away for the weekend. I took them to the groomers this afternoon and packed them off smelling faintly of apple and coconut with bows in their hair. I always make sure my pets and my kids smell wonderful if they're going to be taken care of by someone else...it's a fail safe plan that their minder will give them love. No-one likes a smelly ward!

There's this fantastic hair potion from Holland called Zwitsal and when the kids were little I'd spend a fortune getting it sent over so I could sprinkle it on their heads to ensure their special treatment. No, I'm not completely bonkers, try it. I'll bet your babes start getting better grades in school, and are immediately embraced as the most popular kids on the playground!